Monday, February 23, 2015

You Can Crush My Body, But Not My Soul

Being a mom is tiring, being a mom with Fibromyalgia is some days extremely hard.  Fibromyalgia makes you feel excruciating pain when you may not even have inflammation but it's not just that.  Fibromyalgia has caused chronic sinus issues, gastroparesis, and even exacerbated anxiety and in very low points, depression.   I'm not new to this disorder, I have had it since I was ten after a bad case of the flu.  For four years, Riley Children's Hospital ran many tests on me to find a cause until a rheumatoligist gave me certain tests to pinpoint Fibromyalgia which is rare in children.  I have gone on to do some amazing things in my life because of my willpower knowing deep down that I am stronger than what my body puts me through.  I do have some guilt knowing there have been more things I've wanted to achieve but brain fog, exhaustion, and pain can be unbearable at times.  I had a lot of anxiety after Raven was born because I realized she might grow up with a mom who has bad days and has to just lie on the couch but I have made peace with the fact that my daughter wouldn't love me any less than if I had diabetes, cancer, or any other disease/disorder.  I admit I don't take the best care of myself and it's showing more as I age.  However, I will adapt to whatever changes fibromyalgia brings and I will prevail.  I am just grateful I don't have a terminal illness and that the right distraction techniques help me forget about my pain and exhaustion.  I'm looking forward to moving up in my career in logistics and doing some home renovations.  When I feel ok, I am so thankful (that others take for granted).   I hope they find a cure or at least an affordable treatment plan but in the mean time, I'm dancing in the rain and finding the positives that define my life!