I felt the need to write this post because the man recently in the news who received minimal punishment for the horrendous crime he committed in raping an unconscious woman is infuriating.
I know some men are dumpster fires that believe non consensual sex is still sex (somehow the woman was asking for it) and I really wish they understood or cared that raped women hide deep emotional issues very long after the incident.
I have never admitted this publicly but for the sake of hopefully having more men and women talk about this...I am a rape victim. It's so weird to type that, and extremely freeing at the same time.
When I was in my senior year of college, I went to a bar. I hung out with friends and met a guy (aka the rapist) that I knew through friends. He was cute and I enjoyed talking to him. I decided it was late and I wanted to go home. He asked for a ride. I agreed and talked about how tired I was. He said we should just go to my apartment. I agreed but told him he could only sleep in my bed if we just slept and he kept his clothes on. When we got in my bed, he tried to make out with me and said I needed to go to sleep. I fell asleep. I woke up with my pj pants off and my hands held back even though I fought it. He was naked but seemed to ignore me as I yelled and cried "NO!!!!" He proceeded to rape me. I cried and yelled no while my hands were bound the whole time. When he was done, I was crying and he told me I liked it and was asking for it. I screamed for him to get out. I developed dark bruises inside my thighs in the next couple days.
What did I do? I cried. I didn't call the cops, or tell anyone. All I kept hearing was, "I asked for it" over and over in my head. I made myself believe that because I still couldn't wrap my head around what happened and how a seemingly normal guy could do that. I also felt embarrassed, like I was dumb or drank too much to allow it to happen. Instead of going to the cops, I quietly got tested for all STDs not mentioning what happened and went to my doctor for an antidepressant. It took over a month to even tell my best friend who just hugged me while I cried. She didn't condone me for not reporting it, she knew how bad I felt already.
In fact, guys I dated afterwards I never told. It took me years to even tell my family. I got panic attacks going into bars and seeing men look at me. I eventually saw a therapist to help me sort out the lingering distrust I had towards men because of it. I was always the DD too because I was terrified of being drunk and not have complete control over my awareness and my mace.
Millions of women have been raped and in much worse situations than me that never report it. We feel responsible and this is NOT OK. When we do report a rape, we should not be shamed by our attacker who gets a minimal sentence. A pot grower should not be in prison longer than a rapist. Period.
I felt I needed to share my story because you might have a sister, friend, or daughter and you need to let them know rape is NOT the woman's fault. I wish no woman would ever have to go through what I went through. It scars us for years and makes us feel a hatred for ourselves.
No means no. Unconscious means NO. A woman crying and begging for a man to stop means no. This should not be happening in our society but it does.
I am very sad for the woman in this case. I feel for her on a level I wish I never had to. That is all I have left to say.