So here is a photo I want to talk about:
As some of you know, my hair was fire engine red for a week in early June. Now, some of you probably hated it (which I ended up not liking it since it faded so damn quickly and my mom kept calling me Bozo) but dying my hair this vibrant color was more than a new hair color for me.
Some of you know that not too long after Raven was born, I began having digestion issues. I had a hospital stay in June 2013, an endoscopy, a colonoscopy, an MCRP, a gallbladder removal, and various acid and anti nausea medications and still no answer as to why my stomach felt full/painful so much or why I would get nauseated almost daily. I would literally eat 5 bites of food and suddenly feel like I ate a large Thanksgiving dinner. Since I hadn't found the answer to my issues, a couple doctors convinced me I was just 'stressed out' causing me stomach issues. In all honesty, feeling bad was stressing me out and not the other way around. If I ate lunch at say, 11 am, I would be burping it up at 6 pm. I couldn't eat very much and felt weak. I lost 30 lbs from my weight after Raven was born. I was losing hope with every pound that I lost. I became depressed and angry because I knew I was not causing this problem but I wasn't getting an answer. I isolated myself from a lot of people because I HATED the way I looked and hated the way my body was making me feel. I just didn't want to be Debbie Downer to friends and acquaintances. January through April, I got a lot of strangers negatively commenting on my weight which hurt my self esteem even more. I thought this nightmare would never end.
Then I had a new gastro doctor who suggested I might have gastroparesis (a partially paralyzed stomach) that could have been caused by a virus or for unknown reasons. The only way to find out if this was my issue was by taking a Gastic Emptying Scan. The scan revealed that my stomach was emptying much slower than most people's stomach thus I FINALLY HAD AN ANSWER! Fortunately with this condition, it could go away and I do have a milder version than the poor people who have to have feeding tubes in their small intestines or vomit 15 times a day because their stomach does not operate at all. Because I have a mild enough condition (though still life changing and depressing), I was put on a prokinetic medication called Domperidone which tells the nerves in my stomach to contract when they won't on their own. I take one pill about 10 minutes before every meal and I can eat like I used to! I get hungry and I'm not nauseated! I might have to be on this medicine the rest of my life, but I have come to peace with that as long as I feel better. May is when I started the Domperidone and I could tell within 2 weeks that I was remarkably better and able to take in over 3000 calories a day in order to gain weight back.
So what does this have to do with hair color or taking a selfie with my daughter? I felt like I was finally vibrant again and I wanted my hair to shout that out. The past year, I would fake smile for the camera when inside I barely felt a reason for smiling since I felt so physically terrible and was losing weight like crazy. This photo was taken soon after I dyed my hair and I am GENUINELY smiling in this photo. I felt (and still feel) good, and it made me a better mom being able to have the energy to do more things with Raven. I had a great summer with her before returning to the workforce this fall (besides my floral business which I have continued).
The hair color may not have stayed, but my happiness has. I have gained a lot of weight back despite still being a naturally skinny person. I love this photo, and it will always remind me that no matter what horrible situation I come across that I will make it out. A friend in college told me once, "If things aren't okay, they aren't the end and in the end, everything will be okay."
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